Tottally relaxed.

I woke up this morning feeling oddly relieved - and not in the rub one out kind of way.

An odd sense of calm has come over me - and not in the - I didn't just drink four cups of coffee kind of way.

A serene moment of pure tranquility fills my soul - well that and Satan himself willing me to buy porn.

OH WHO THE FUCK AM I KIDDING???!

I'm Jes - a nervous, insane maniac who is driven by pure adrenaline.

Seriously - I wouldn't have it any other way :)

Jes

I'm BACK!

What a super busy week. I just got back from Kentucky and have been trying to catch up. Lots of stuff on the horizon.

1) I may be traveling for another Shades of Gray event

2) The shades of gray site is expanding again soon with all kinds of crazy stuff.

3) A fan site is in the works - thanks to a few amazing friends - I'm so psyched.

4) I will try and start working on the New Jeskid TV episode this weekend (Kentucky I belive).

5) I'm very sexy on tuesdays - but gross on thrusdays :)

Jeskid

GAHHHHHHH!

I'm so frustrated and there's nothing anyone can do about it. You see I'm waiting for the stork to come and delver my baby. NO not the little mutants we call children - I'm waiting for my HVX200 HD camera to come. But no matter how long I wait - Christmas never seems to get here. I got my fancy tripod all ready. I got my Steadicam Jr to do all my snazzy moving shots - BUT NO CAMERA!!



And the most frustrating thing - I paid for it already, but Panasonic can't pump them out fast enough to see me go beserk when it arrives. PLEEEEEEEASE Mr. Panasonic bring me my baby. Please stop teasing me - I need a fix of electronic crack.

Or I swear I'll end it all - and go back to SONY! (Don't mess with the Jeskid - he's craaaaaaaaaazy.)

*no seriously bring me my camera*

I swear I won't shoot my eye out.

Jes

Soooooo TIRED!

After working on Jeskid TV till 3am I am officially fried. I can take one night of 3 hour sleep - but when I get to the 3rd day in a row - all that's left is a tired emotional mess. Ironic that I meet the Tax dude today and it's Valentines day - talk about a pile on.

The only thing keeping me going - is the pride I take in what I did last night and the thought that some of you are laughing right now with me.

To all those out there who are single - Happy Valentines day - Love ya guys big time <3

Jeskid

Monday bloody monday!

I was up all night getting my taxes together - FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Why can't I just go back to my mom making Mac and Cheese (Yuuuuuummy) and working the streets as a child prostitute (ah the good old days)?

Seriously tho - growing up sucks - I don't wanna go to work. I don't wanna do taxes. And I most certainly don't wanna have to clean my apartment. They don't call me Jes - Kid for no reason.

Why can't I just go back to walking the streets ...I mean...playing with toys all day?

-JesKID :(

5 Years late

I bought Dance Dance Revolution Ultimate Mix with it's pad....

And looked like I had Cerebal Palsy trying to jump up and down on it.

I'd include a picture - but the shame would be way too great. It is a sad day for a 33 year old shut in.

*note to self never try this game in an arcade*

Tired and Shamed - Jeskid

I find it so funny that...

The Google ads in this page match what I talk about. Great now I can get counseling FUCKERS! I should write about Sex – hmmmmmm.

Wait!? What time is it - Coffee time!

It time to get jacked up and put up some more mini moments on Jeskid TV today (advertise that Google!!!).

Jeskid :)

Hey how come there ain't no smiley's on this thing!!!?

Before the Storm

Thinking about my last journal for a bit I begin to see a pattern.

I always feel this way right before I go into battle. When I was 17 and about to go into my first full contact karate tournament - I was shaking so much that my teacher had to coach me down from it just to get into the ring.

But once the fight started, I was amazing. Shining as brightly as I could (perhaps having already released all of my fear). Looking back I realize that this always happens to me. I remember my ex girlfriend in College calling actors for me. They'd ask, "Is he good - how will the movie turn out?" And she'd say back "Well your going to show up - he's going to seem like he has no idea what he's doing - you're going to believe it's going to be terrible - but some how, in the end - it'll be amazing - it always is."

Quiet before the storm - the battle comes soon.

This is the process.

Jeskid

Fear and lots of it

Hey Guys,

I woke up today scared of the future - my future to be specific. I'm not sure if I can put into words what I'm feeling....

Could it be - Pressure maybe from all the expectation I have for myself this coming year? Emotional distress perhaps - from several tough personal situations? Probably a lack of sleep (2 hours) from working on this site all night long (I really do my best).

But regardless of how I feel today, fear is something I live with and have lived with always. I strive for great things - true - but it's rare that I don't get up scared in trying to do so. I made my movie (all my movies) Shades of Gray out of fear. Fear of being normal/boring. I lash out with Jeskid TV out of fear. Fear of being invisible any longer. I even hide from relationships for fear of ultimate failure (as they all have failed).

Fear has been a constant in my life since I was a small child. But somehow I taught myself to face it and live within it.

I once was told by some head shrinker type that I was counter phobic - someone who not only faces their fears - but runs at them. Fear drives me - chases me down - causes me not to sleep - makes my life wonderful and miserable at the same moment. Funniest thing is – I could have chosen something easier to do with my life and probably done very well – but I raise the stakes so high that fear has to be a constant factor in order to even feel competant, much less content. It’s almost as if I put myself in personal and emotional danger on purpose for the highs and lows that ensue (I probably wouldn't have it any other way though).

Like a trapped animal - fear is my friend and my worst enemy. Though for once - for one small moment - I don't want to be afraid.

Jeskid

OMG Another Jeskid Journal

Yes folks - because of the ultra slick black backround - I have decided to start posting words, pics and videos here on my new snazzy wazzy journal. With so much nonsense going thru my head - I need another place to vent, chant and rant about it on a daily or bi-daily basis (what you didn't know I was BI? -NOT) Anyway this is the first of MANY(echo echo echo).


OMG JIZKID!! 

Word Up

Jeskid